https://www.facebook.com/NewsPox-527970830704235/ UK "news" dissected with wit and ignorance en-PI http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/ JellyCast http://www.jellycast.com newspoxuk@gmail.com (newspox) Comedy Thu, 11 May 2006 14:22:54 +0100 Mon, 02 May 2016 20:00:07 +0100 https://newspox.jellycast.com/files/newspox_0.JPG https://www.facebook.com/NewsPox-527970830704235/ 144 144 UK "news" dissected with wit and ignorance NewsPox newspox newspoxuk@gmail.com podcast Yes No UK "news" dissected with wit and ignorance <p>After a small break of 8 YEARS, yes that's right 8 years.. NewsPox is back and it’s better than ever. (Well it might be but it might be worse than ever, in the last 8 years we've been busy becoming middle aged so who knows if we're funny anymore? With strong, uninformed opinions and a tendency to just make stuff up, NewsPox grapples with the big issues of the day, but mostly grapples with celebrity tittle-tattle, animal stories and death (which we are 8 years closer too now).</p> <p>NewsPox will be weekly if we can get our shit together and the podcasts are about 25 minutes long. This is 25 times longer than the 60 Second News on BBC3, but shorter than The Six O'Clock news on BBC1 and about half of the size of Channel 4 News. Listen to save time and money on buying and reading your own newspapers. See how your friends are impressed with your current affairs knowledge, and your casual use of sexual swear words.</p> <p>NewsPox began in May 2006, we did it for a couple of years then had to really put our efforts into getting old so we took an 8 year break doing that. Now we have established ourselves as old we felt we could go back to it. </p> https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/377 In which we discuss the royals, the new olympic outfits, radiohead, fur, owls and the canadian prime minister who we have decided we love but we can't recall his name. Mon, 02 May 2016 19:59:12 +0100 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/377 jellycast https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/377 No Podcast 00:31:04 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/376 News and reviews from the NewsPox team and special youth correspondent Meredith. It's a long bank holiday weekend so there isn't actually that much news. Mon, 28 Mar 2016 14:25:09 +0100 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/376 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/376 Yes put-some-keywords-here 00:34:40 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/375 Is this working? Do you read me? We are trying to do this again after an 8 year break and technology has moved on. It might break us. If you are reading this and you're not me, then that is probably a good sign. Tue, 15 Mar 2016 15:00:44 +0000 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/375 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/375 Yes comedy, news, women, hot 00:25:35 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/373 Hello. Here is the news: * Women ignores advice of horse and decides to get married anyway. * George Bush geta show thrown at his head * Everyone is too thin * X Factor finishes and someone won. Mon, 15 Dec 2008 18:02:49 +0000 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/373 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/373 I am acting like its 2009 already Hello. Here is the news: * Women ignores advice of horse and decides to get married anyway. * George Bush geta show thrown at his head * Everyone is too thin * X Factor finishes and someone won. Yes put some keywords here 00:23:54 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/372 Hello. Here is the news. Or is it? You can listen and decide. * 70 year old woman gives birth * Prince is 50 * Train crash in Japan * Lily Allen gets a new tattoo Tue, 09 Dec 2008 17:51:47 +0000 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/372 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/372 Easy like Tuesday evening Hello. Here is the news. Or is it? You can listen and decide. * 70 year old woman gives birth * Prince is 50 * Train crash in Japan * Lily Allen gets a new tattoo Yes put some keywords here 00:21:25 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/371 Hello. Today we played a game. Can you spot the real news stories from the the made-up ones. Is truth stranger than fiction? In the case of Jeremy Clarkson, yes; but in all other instances, no. Mon, 08 Dec 2008 17:31:24 +0000 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/371 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/371 giant potato and cyborgs Hello. Today we played a game. Can you spot the real news stories from the the made-up ones. Is truth stranger than fiction? In the case of Jeremy Clarkson, yes; but in all other instances, no. Yes put some keywords here 00:18:29 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/370 Hello. Here is the news: * One of them Siamese Twins is dead. Less like Holby than we'd hoped then. * baby P is still dead, but some people have been sacked now. * Gordon Brown introduces new measures * Lindsay Lohan says she really truly is a lesbian. Wed, 03 Dec 2008 17:52:34 +0000 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/370 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/370 She broke your throne and she cut your hair, Eoghan Quigg Hello. Here is the news: * One of them Siamese Twins is dead. Less like Holby than we'd hoped then. * baby P is still dead, but some people have been sacked now. * Gordon Brown introduces new measures * Lindsay Lohan says she really truly is a lesbian. Yes put some keywords here 00:28:37 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/369 Hello. Happy advent calendar day. This is the news: * Hilary gets a job starting wars for Barack Obama * Metro gets a new look - more showbiz and a nicer font. * Ann from Neighbours saved from toilet disaster in Mumbai. Ann. You remember Ann. She went out with Billy. Yeah, Ann. * The credit crunch makes love, not war. Mon, 01 Dec 2008 17:30:29 +0000 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/369 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/369 well she tied to you to her kitchen chair Eoghan Quigg Hello. Happy advent calendar day. This is the news: * Hilary gets a job starting wars for Barack Obama * Metro gets a new look - more showbiz and a nicer font. * Ann from Neighbours saved from toilet disaster in Mumbai. Ann. You remember Ann. She went out with Billy. Yeah, Ann. * The credit crunch makes love, not war. Yes put some keywords here 00:32:31 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/368 Hello. Here is the news: * Gordon Brown in a huff with David Cameron * British Fritzl sent down * Amy Winehouse in clinic * Zena is going out with eighties throwback David Van Day. Wed, 26 Nov 2008 16:23:19 +0000 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/368 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/368 Well it's cold cold cold and I think I'm going to die in here. Hello. Here is the news: * Gordon Brown in a huff with David Cameron * British Fritzl sent down * Amy Winehouse in clinic * Zena is going out with eighties throwback David Van Day. No put some keywords here 00:28:30 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/367 Hello. Here is the news for you: * It was the pre-budget report today. This is what happened: - VAT down to 15% - People earning over £150,000 will be taxed 45% in 2011, unless this is reversed before then. - Increase in NI - Votes for women - Everyone encouraged to go to the shops * Gordon Ramsay is in trouble * Adopt a deformed animal and have a Downs baby. It's all cool these days. Mon, 24 Nov 2008 17:40:43 +0000 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/367 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/367 PRE-BUDGET REPORT SPECIAL Hello. Here is the news for you: * It was the pre-budget report today. This is what happened: - VAT down to 15% - People earning over £150,000 will be taxed 45% in 2011, unless this is reversed before then. - Increase in NI - Votes for women - Everyone encouraged to go to the shops * Gordon Ramsay is in trouble * Adopt a deformed animal and have a Downs baby. It's all cool these days. No put some keywords here 00:31:48 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/365 Hello. Here is the news * Don't carry on Sargeant as John quits strictly. * Woman gets a sparkly new wind pipe made of stem cells and glitter * Guinea P gets abused * BNP list published - full of shockers. What a hive of cunts. Wed, 19 Nov 2008 18:20:19 +0000 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/365 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/365 middle age Hello. Here is the news * Don't carry on Sargeant as John quits strictly. * Woman gets a sparkly new wind pipe made of stem cells and glitter * Guinea P gets abused * BNP list published - full of shockers. What a hive of cunts. No put some keywords here 00:30:34 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/364 Hello. Here is the news for you. * I'm a Celebrity, Please Get Me Out of Here has started and we are officially backing George. Go go gay old fella! * Ahoy me hearties, piracy on the high seas causes new oil crisis. * Get an injection to make you go skinny, orange and make you tits bigger. It's going to be complusory for all girls in primary school. Tue, 18 Nov 2008 17:36:39 +0000 Hello. Here is the news for you. * I'm a Celebrity, Please Get Me Out of Here has started and we are officially backing George. Go go gay old fella! * Ahoy me hearties, piracy on the high seas causes new oil crisis. * Get an injection to make you go skinny, orange and make you tits bigger. It's going to be complusory for all girls in primary school. https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/364 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/364 We wade into the Doctor Who "debate" No put some keywords here 00:30:49 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/363 Hello. Here is the news: * it's behind you * Elephant and sheep are unlikely friends. They met on Facebook. * Barack Obama is sexy. Gordon Brown is doing his best. * Turn a different corner and we never would have met. * Don't do anything slightly sweary or offensive on the radio or you will get fired. If you are on the radio don't do anything sweary or offensive in your private life either - the BBC are watching you. * We strongly dislike Henry Conway. Still. Tue, 11 Nov 2008 17:50:34 +0000 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/363 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/363 Take me back in time maybe I can forget Hello. Here is the news: * it's behind you * Elephant and sheep are unlikely friends. They met on Facebook. * Barack Obama is sexy. Gordon Brown is doing his best. * Turn a different corner and we never would have met. * Don't do anything slightly sweary or offensive on the radio or you will get fired. If you are on the radio don't do anything sweary or offensive in your private life either - the BBC are watching you. * We strongly dislike Henry Conway. Still. No put some keywords here 00:30:17 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/362 Hello y'all. It's an American election special. Yee-hah! Tue, 04 Nov 2008 17:07:44 +0000 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/362 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/362 Born in the USA Hello y'all. It's an American election special. Yee-hah! No put some keywords here 00:21:56 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/361 Hello. Here is the news: * There was some sort of kerfuffle with Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand and a rat in a tin of crackers. * Little Lewis Hamilton won a race in his big brum brum car. * Anthrax is in bongos * They drink Um Bongo in the Congo * Man has entire cast of Upper Hand tattooed across his chest. * That sort of thing, you know. Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:24:26 +0000 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/361 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/361 Hello. Here is the news: * There was some sort of kerfuffle with Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand and a rat in a tin of crackers. * Little Lewis Hamilton won a race in his big brum brum car. * Anthrax is in bongos * They drink Um Bongo in the Congo * Man has entire cast of Upper Hand tattooed across his chest. * That sort of thing, you know. No put some keywords here 00:29:01 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/359 Hello. Here is the news: * Big Mo Al-Fayed in trouble for touching up sexy underage schoolgirls * Victoria Beckham has cars to match her clothes and that is why the credit crunch is now officially a recession * Would you go back in time and kill Hitler. You can if you want. * Cat's die if they eat flowers. Don't feed them flyers. Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:15:42 +0000 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/359 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/359 Hello. Here is the news: * Big Mo Al-Fayed in trouble for touching up sexy underage schoolgirls * Victoria Beckham has cars to match her clothes and that is why the credit crunch is now officially a recession * Would you go back in time and kill Hitler. You can if you want. * Cat's die if they eat flowers. Don't feed them flowers. No put some keywords here 00:25:27 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/353 Hello to you, and welcome to the last week of October. Here is the news: * It's definitely a recession, so tighten those belts, fatties. * Peter Mandelson has a problem down below * Bruce Forsythe is 80 and so is Russell Brand and Ricky Gervais. All old fellas. Mon, 20 Oct 2008 16:49:49 +0100 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/353 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/353 congratulations to Pink and Leon Jackson for being number one and number three in the charts. Hello to you, and welcome to the last week of October. Here is the news: * It's definitely a recession, so tighten those belts, fatties. * Peter Mandelson has a problem down below * Bruce Forsythe is 80 and so is Russell Brand and Ricky Gervais. All old fellas. No put some keywords here 00:19:40 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/352 Ahoy there sailors on the good ship NewsPox. Here is the news: * Madonna and Guy Richie confirm that they hate the sight of each other and are to divorce. Media outlets are all wanking over thoughts of the divorce settlement and hoping it will be juicy and scandalous. It probably won't be though. * Madonna had a nice pair of Gun shoes on yesterday which Guy Richie will be trying to win in the divorce settlement. * Big cat on loose at school near you. * Dead man made into kebabs. * Simon Cowell has special botty cushion. Wed, 15 Oct 2008 17:52:51 +0100 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/352 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/352 Don't take out your handkerchiefs I don't wanna cry I just wanna hanky panky Guy (Richie) Ahoy there sailors on the good ship NewsPox. Here is the news: * Madonna and Guy Richie confirm that they hate the sight of each other and are to divorce. Media outlets are all wanking over thoughts of the divorce settlement and hoping it will be juicy and scandalous. It probably won't be though. * Madonna had a nice pair of Gun shoes on yesterday which Guy Richie will be trying to win in the divorce settlement. * Big cat on loose at school near you. * Dead man made into kebabs. * Simon Cowell has special botty cushion. No put some keywords here 00:30:03 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/351 Hello. This is the news. * Gordon Brown has maybe saved the day * J-Lo renewing her wedding vows. She is a complusive vower * Mice get wigs. * The world is full of shits. Tue, 14 Oct 2008 18:29:23 +0100 Hello. This is the news. * Gordon Brown has maybe saved the day * J-Lo renewing her wedding vows. She is a complusive vower * Mice get wigs. * The world is full of shits. https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/351 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/351 world shut your mouth (about the credit crunch) No put some keywords here 00:35:19 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/350 Hello. Here is the news: * There has been a bank bail-out and an interest rate drop. Does this mean the end of the credit crunch? No. * High School Musical 3 has opened at cinemas. Does this mean the end of entertainment as we know it? Yes. * Wedding cake made of cheese. * Jade Goody planning own funeral. Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:48:26 +0100 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/350 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/350 Burn, baby, Burn! Disco inferno. Hello. Here is the news: * There has been a bank bail-out and an interest rate drop. Does this mean the end of the credit crunch? No. * High School Musical 3 has opened at cinemas. Does this mean the end of entertainment as we know it? Yes. * Wedding cake made of cheese. * Jade Goody planning own funeral. No put some keywords here 00:24:02 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/349 Hello. We're back (again) and here is the news: * Mandy back again * Markets crashed again * Mr Gay UK murdered and ate his lover - recipe available in the giant Fat Duck Cookery Book by Heston Blumenthal. Tue, 07 Oct 2008 17:27:53 +0100 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/349 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/349 Oh Mandy Hello. We're back (again) and here is the news: * Mandy back again * Markets crashed again * Mr Gay UK murdered and ate his lover - recipe available in the giant Fat Duck Cookery Book by Heston Blumenthal. No put some keywords here 00:29:28 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/348 Hello. Here is the news: Everything is awful That's it. We're having a break again now. Bye. Wed, 17 Sep 2008 18:05:08 +0100 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/348 jellycast https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/348 No Podcast 00:20:30 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/347 Hello. The News is coming at you... NOW! * Damien Hirst has by-passed all the usual ways to sell art - dealers, ebay, hanging it on the railings outside Regents park - by having a bloody big auction and he's made a fortune out of it. Well done, Damo. * Some minor Labour Party is bullying poor Gordon Brown by quitting in protest. * Don't think much of the cheeky Girl's tits. * Zena will murder me one day. * Do you have a desk at work? How long would it take you to clear it? How many boxes? I think one's enough. Tue, 16 Sep 2008 17:18:51 +0100 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/347 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/347 Jordan slagged of jade in her column and now Kerry is slagging off Jordan for slagging of Jade. Look out for Pete's response! Hello. The News is coming at you... NOW! * Damien Hirst has by-passed all the usual ways to sell art - dealers, ebay, hanging it on the railings outside Regents park - by having a bloody big auction and he's made a fortune out of it. Well done, Damo. * Some minor Labour Party is bullying poor Gordon Brown by quitting in protest. * Don't think much of the cheeky Girl's tits. * Zena will murder me one day. * Do you have a desk at work? How long would it take you to clear it? How many boxes? I think one's enough. No put some keywords here 00:27:18 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/346 Hello. This is the news * That credit crunch is getting really bad. * More teenagers stabbed. * Someone has broken the Chunnel * Cat and Hen are friends, until the cat eats the hen, which will happen. Mark my words. * We bid a fond farewell to Grange Hill and all who sailed in her. Including Michelle Gayle and Michelle Fowler and Mr Bronson. Mon, 15 Sep 2008 16:46:32 +0100 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/346 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/346 Put a pony in your pocket Hello. This is the news * That credit crunch is getting really bad. * More teenagers stabbed. * Someone has broken the Chunnel * Cat and Hen are friends, until the cat eats the hen, which will happen. Mark my words. * We bid a fond farewell to Grange Hill and all who sailed in her. Including Michelle Gayle and Michelle Fowler and Mr Bronson. No put some keywords here 00:25:12 https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/345 Hello you! Welcome to NewsPox and not the end of the world. * Hear special guest Peter Buckley Hill, giving us a man's perspective on the news * Gasp in amazement as we tell you what we think of Posh's new haircut * Reel as we tell you again about the 5 steps of Paedophilia * Listen to a pig in lipstick Wed, 10 Sep 2008 17:57:00 +0100 Content https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/345 newspox https://newspox.jellycast.com/node/345 A lady had her haircut! It's VERY important. Hello you! Welcome to NewsPox and not the end of the world. * Hear special guest Peter Buckley Hill, giving us a man's perspective on the news * Gasp in amazement as we tell you what we think of Posh's new haircut * Reel as we tell you again about the 5 steps of Paedophilia * Listen to a pig in lipstick No put some keywords here 00:25:04