http://www.myspace.com/newspox UK "news" dissected with wit and ignorance en-PI http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/ JellyCast http://www.jellycast.com newspox@hotmail.co.uk (newspox) Comedy Thu, 11 May 2006 14:22:54 +0100 Mon, 08 Sep 2008 15:55:45 +0100 http://newspox.jellycast.com/files/tn_newspox1.jpg 144 144 http://www.myspace.com/newspox newspox newspox newspox@hotmail.co.uk No No UK "news" dissected with wit and ignorance <p>After a small summer break for the Camden Fringe, NewsPox is back and it’s better than ever. (Well I say that, but we haven’t actually done anything yet, and it may turn out to be worse, or exactly the same, as ever.)</p> <p>Michelle and Zena sift through the news to bring you the highlights of the print media. With strong, uninformed opinions and a tendency to just make stuff up, NewsPox grapples with the big issues of the day, but mostly grapples with celebrity tittle-tattle, animal stories and death.</p> <p>NewsPox is currently hitting the news stands on Mondays, Tuesday and Wednesdays and the podcasts are about 25 minutes long. This is 25 times longer than the 60 Second News on BBC3, but shorter than The Six O'Clock news on BBC1 and about half of the size of Channel 4 News. Listen to save time and money on buying and reading your own newspapers. See how your friends are impressed with your current affairs knowledge, and your casual use of sexual swear words.</p> <p>NewsPox has been going since May 2006, and we’ve lost count of the number of episodes we’ve done.</p> http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/365 Hello. Here is the news * Don't carry on Sargeant as John quits strictly. * Woman gets a sparkly new wind pipe made of stem cells and glitter * Guinea P gets abused * BNP list published - full of shockers. What a hive of cunts. Wed, 19 Nov 2008 18:20:19 +0000 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/365 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/365 newspox middle age Hello. Here is the news * Don't carry on Sargeant as John quits strictly. * Woman gets a sparkly new wind pipe made of stem cells and glitter * Guinea P gets abused * BNP list published - full of shockers. What a hive of cunts. No put some keywords here 00:30:34 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/364 Hello. Here is the news for you. * I'm a Celebrity, Please Get Me Out of Here has started and we are officially backing George. Go go gay old fella! * Ahoy me hearties, piracy on the high seas causes new oil crisis. * Get an injection to make you go skinny, orange and make you tits bigger. It's going to be complusory for all girls in primary school. Tue, 18 Nov 2008 17:36:39 +0000 Hello. Here is the news for you. * I'm a Celebrity, Please Get Me Out of Here has started and we are officially backing George. Go go gay old fella! * Ahoy me hearties, piracy on the high seas causes new oil crisis. * Get an injection to make you go skinny, orange and make you tits bigger. It's going to be complusory for all girls in primary school. http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/364 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/364 newspox We wade into the Doctor Who "debate" No put some keywords here 00:30:49 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/363 Hello. Here is the news: * it's behind you * Elephant and sheep are unlikely friends. They met on Facebook. * Barack Obama is sexy. Gordon Brown is doing his best. * Turn a different corner and we never would have met. * Don't do anything slightly sweary or offensive on the radio or you will get fired. If you are on the radio don't do anything sweary or offensive in your private life either - the BBC are watching you. * We strongly dislike Henry Conway. Still. Tue, 11 Nov 2008 17:50:34 +0000 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/363 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/363 newspox Take me back in time maybe I can forget Hello. Here is the news: * it's behind you * Elephant and sheep are unlikely friends. They met on Facebook. * Barack Obama is sexy. Gordon Brown is doing his best. * Turn a different corner and we never would have met. * Don't do anything slightly sweary or offensive on the radio or you will get fired. If you are on the radio don't do anything sweary or offensive in your private life either - the BBC are watching you. * We strongly dislike Henry Conway. Still. No put some keywords here 00:30:17 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/362 Hello y'all. It's an American election special. Yee-hah! Tue, 04 Nov 2008 17:07:44 +0000 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/362 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/362 newspox Born in the USA Hello y'all. It's an American election special. Yee-hah! No put some keywords here 00:21:56 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/361 Hello. Here is the news: * There was some sort of kerfuffle with Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand and a rat in a tin of crackers. * Little Lewis Hamilton won a race in his big brum brum car. * Anthrax is in bongos * They drink Um Bongo in the Congo * Man has entire cast of Upper Hand tattooed across his chest. * That sort of thing, you know. Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:24:26 +0000 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/361 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/361 newspox Hello. Here is the news: * There was some sort of kerfuffle with Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand and a rat in a tin of crackers. * Little Lewis Hamilton won a race in his big brum brum car. * Anthrax is in bongos * They drink Um Bongo in the Congo * Man has entire cast of Upper Hand tattooed across his chest. * That sort of thing, you know. No put some keywords here 00:29:01 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/359 Hello. Here is the news: * Big Mo Al-Fayed in trouble for touching up sexy underage schoolgirls * Victoria Beckham has cars to match her clothes and that is why the credit crunch is now officially a recession * Would you go back in time and kill Hitler. You can if you want. * Cat's die if they eat flowers. Don't feed them flyers. Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:15:42 +0000 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/359 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/359 newspox Hello. Here is the news: * Big Mo Al-Fayed in trouble for touching up sexy underage schoolgirls * Victoria Beckham has cars to match her clothes and that is why the credit crunch is now officially a recession * Would you go back in time and kill Hitler. You can if you want. * Cat's die if they eat flowers. Don't feed them flowers. No put some keywords here 00:25:27 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/353 Hello to you, and welcome to the last week of October. Here is the news: * It's definitely a recession, so tighten those belts, fatties. * Peter Mandelson has a problem down below * Bruce Forsythe is 80 and so is Russell Brand and Ricky Gervais. All old fellas. Mon, 20 Oct 2008 16:49:49 +0100 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/353 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/353 newspox congratulations to Pink and Leon Jackson for being number one and number three in the charts. Hello to you, and welcome to the last week of October. Here is the news: * It's definitely a recession, so tighten those belts, fatties. * Peter Mandelson has a problem down below * Bruce Forsythe is 80 and so is Russell Brand and Ricky Gervais. All old fellas. No put some keywords here 00:19:40 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/352 Ahoy there sailors on the good ship NewsPox. Here is the news: * Madonna and Guy Richie confirm that they hate the sight of each other and are to divorce. Media outlets are all wanking over thoughts of the divorce settlement and hoping it will be juicy and scandalous. It probably won't be though. * Madonna had a nice pair of Gun shoes on yesterday which Guy Richie will be trying to win in the divorce settlement. * Big cat on loose at school near you. * Dead man made into kebabs. * Simon Cowell has special botty cushion. Wed, 15 Oct 2008 17:52:51 +0100 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/352 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/352 newspox Don't take out your handkerchiefs I don't wanna cry I just wanna hanky panky Guy (Richie) Ahoy there sailors on the good ship NewsPox. Here is the news: * Madonna and Guy Richie confirm that they hate the sight of each other and are to divorce. Media outlets are all wanking over thoughts of the divorce settlement and hoping it will be juicy and scandalous. It probably won't be though. * Madonna had a nice pair of Gun shoes on yesterday which Guy Richie will be trying to win in the divorce settlement. * Big cat on loose at school near you. * Dead man made into kebabs. * Simon Cowell has special botty cushion. No put some keywords here 00:30:03 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/351 Hello. This is the news. * Gordon Brown has maybe saved the day * J-Lo renewing her wedding vows. She is a complusive vower * Mice get wigs. * The world is full of shits. Tue, 14 Oct 2008 18:29:23 +0100 Hello. This is the news. * Gordon Brown has maybe saved the day * J-Lo renewing her wedding vows. She is a complusive vower * Mice get wigs. * The world is full of shits. http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/351 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/351 newspox world shut your mouth (about the credit crunch) No put some keywords here 00:35:19 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/350 Hello. Here is the news: * There has been a bank bail-out and an interest rate drop. Does this mean the end of the credit crunch? No. * High School Musical 3 has opened at cinemas. Does this mean the end of entertainment as we know it? Yes. * Wedding cake made of cheese. * Jade Goody planning own funeral. Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:48:26 +0100 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/350 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/350 newspox Burn, baby, Burn! Disco inferno. Hello. Here is the news: * There has been a bank bail-out and an interest rate drop. Does this mean the end of the credit crunch? No. * High School Musical 3 has opened at cinemas. Does this mean the end of entertainment as we know it? Yes. * Wedding cake made of cheese. * Jade Goody planning own funeral. No put some keywords here 00:24:02 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/349 Hello. We're back (again) and here is the news: * Mandy back again * Markets crashed again * Mr Gay UK murdered and ate his lover - recipe available in the giant Fat Duck Cookery Book by Heston Blumenthal. Tue, 07 Oct 2008 17:27:53 +0100 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/349 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/349 newspox Oh Mandy Hello. We're back (again) and here is the news: * Mandy back again * Markets crashed again * Mr Gay UK murdered and ate his lover - recipe available in the giant Fat Duck Cookery Book by Heston Blumenthal. No put some keywords here 00:29:28 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/348 Hello. Here is the news: Everything is awful That's it. We're having a break again now. Bye. Wed, 17 Sep 2008 18:05:08 +0100 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/348 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/348 00:20:30 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/347 Hello. The News is coming at you... NOW! * Damien Hirst has by-passed all the usual ways to sell art - dealers, ebay, hanging it on the railings outside Regents park - by having a bloody big auction and he's made a fortune out of it. Well done, Damo. * Some minor Labour Party is bullying poor Gordon Brown by quitting in protest. * Don't think much of the cheeky Girl's tits. * Zena will murder me one day. * Do you have a desk at work? How long would it take you to clear it? How many boxes? I think one's enough. Tue, 16 Sep 2008 17:18:51 +0100 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/347 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/347 newspox Jordan slagged of jade in her column and now Kerry is slagging off Jordan for slagging of Jade. Look out for Pete's response! Hello. The News is coming at you... NOW! * Damien Hirst has by-passed all the usual ways to sell art - dealers, ebay, hanging it on the railings outside Regents park - by having a bloody big auction and he's made a fortune out of it. Well done, Damo. * Some minor Labour Party is bullying poor Gordon Brown by quitting in protest. * Don't think much of the cheeky Girl's tits. * Zena will murder me one day. * Do you have a desk at work? How long would it take you to clear it? How many boxes? I think one's enough. No put some keywords here 00:27:18 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/346 Hello. This is the news * That credit crunch is getting really bad. * More teenagers stabbed. * Someone has broken the Chunnel * Cat and Hen are friends, until the cat eats the hen, which will happen. Mark my words. * We bid a fond farewell to Grange Hill and all who sailed in her. Including Michelle Gayle and Michelle Fowler and Mr Bronson. Mon, 15 Sep 2008 16:46:32 +0100 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/346 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/346 newspox Put a pony in your pocket Hello. This is the news * That credit crunch is getting really bad. * More teenagers stabbed. * Someone has broken the Chunnel * Cat and Hen are friends, until the cat eats the hen, which will happen. Mark my words. * We bid a fond farewell to Grange Hill and all who sailed in her. Including Michelle Gayle and Michelle Fowler and Mr Bronson. No put some keywords here 00:25:12 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/345 Hello you! Welcome to NewsPox and not the end of the world. * Hear special guest Peter Buckley Hill, giving us a man's perspective on the news * Gasp in amazement as we tell you what we think of Posh's new haircut * Reel as we tell you again about the 5 steps of Paedophilia * Listen to a pig in lipstick Wed, 10 Sep 2008 17:57:00 +0100 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/345 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/345 newspox A lady had her haircut! It's VERY important. Hello you! Welcome to NewsPox and not the end of the world. * Hear special guest Peter Buckley Hill, giving us a man's perspective on the news * Gasp in amazement as we tell you what we think of Posh's new haircut * Reel as we tell you again about the 5 steps of Paedophilia * Listen to a pig in lipstick No put some keywords here 00:25:04 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/344 Hello! We're still back. Two days in a row is a 4 month record, I reckon. See how the old enthusiasm for news has returned. * Josef Fritzl has his own tribute act called Polish Fritzl * Sarah Brown has been hanging out with Naomi Campbell but it didn't end well. * Boys, if you are out on the lash tonight do not invite your drunken friend to stay the night just in case you accidentally bum him, thinking he is your wife (who loves being bummed.) Tue, 09 Sep 2008 17:37:04 +0100 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/344 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/344 newspox Mr Claypole = sexy jester Hello! We're still back. Two days in a row is a 4 month record, I reckon. See how the old enthusiasm for news has returned. * Josef Fritzl has his own tribute act called Polish Fritzl * Sarah Brown has been hanging out with Naomi Campbell but it didn't end well. * Boys, if you are out on the lash tonight do not invite your drunken friend to stay the night just in case you accidentally bum him, thinking he is your wife (who loves being bummed.) No put some keywords here 00:31:02 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/343 HEllO! We're back after an extended summer break. Listen in to hear what we got up to. We'll also discuss the big news of the summer: * The weather * The Olympics * The American Elections * The Credit Crunch * M&S turning evil * Dick Dodd's Dead Dad's dog Mon, 08 Sep 2008 16:37:28 +0100 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/343 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/343 newspox My furry alarm clock HEllO YOU! We're back after an extended summer break. Listen in to hear what we got up to. We'll also discuss the big news of the summer: * The weather * The Olympics * The American elections * The credit crunch * M&S turning evil * Dick Dodd's Dead Dad's dog No put some keywords here 00:28:11 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/342 Hello. This is the news: * The Jolie-Pitt twins have arrived and they are hot top models already. They won't get out of the womb for less than £10million * Man pets sheep * Ronnie Wood goes on a mental bender witha russian tatu style teenage lovely, which is a bit embarassing for everyone really. I am embarassed to be writing this. * What is the difference between a magpie and a dalek? Lots really, but children don't know. What do they have in common? A love of shiny stuff. Tue, 15 Jul 2008 17:11:30 +0100 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/342 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/342 newspox Madonna is doomed and will not get a state funeral Hello. This is the news: * The Jolie-Pitt twins have arrived and they are hot top models already. They won't get out of the womb for less than £10million * Man pets sheep * Ronnie Wood goes on a mental bender witha russian tatu style teenage lovely, which is a bit embarassing for everyone really. I am embarassed to be writing this. * What is the difference between a magpie and a dalek? Lots really, but children don't know. What do they have in common? A love of shiny stuff. No put some keywords here 00:27:31 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/341 Hello. Here is the news: * It is 7/7, like when those bombs went off. People will do some creepy silent dancing to commemorate how the weather was much better then. * Lily Allen has bought a bucket AND a mop. They match, which is classy. * Cardiff Airport to be renamed Gavin & Stacey Airport or the Duffy Is Tom Jones's Love Child Airport. * Madonna not getting divorced * Alan Sugar not in plane crash Mon, 07 Jul 2008 16:58:50 +0100 Hello. Here is the news: * It is 7/7, like when those bombs went off. People will do some creepy silent dancing to commemorate how the weather was much better then. * Lily Allen has bought a bucket AND a mop. They match, which is classy. * Cardiff Airport to be renamed Gavin & Stacey Airport or the Duffy Is Tom Jones's Love Child Airport. * What did you think of the last episode of Doctor Who? What the fuck is a reality bomb? Sometimes I think they just pull these pltlines out of thin air. * Madonna not getting divorced * Alan Sugar not in plane crash http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/341 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/341 newspox We, like Dolly Parton, are not the Dalai Llama No put some keywords here 00:26:03 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/340 Hello. Here is the news at the start of July. * Oooh it's hot, but the nights are drawing in. * Madeline McCann: no news * Bees on the loose * Ken Livingstone likes chutney on his ham sandwiches * Charlotte Church is going to be burnt at the stake for saying she wants a lot of children. What a bitch. Tue, 01 Jul 2008 17:46:41 +0100 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/340 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/340 newspox If my life is for rent, then the rent is £700 a month. Hello. Here is the news at the start of July. * Oooh it's hot, but the nights are drawing in. * Madeline McCann: no news * Bees on the loose * Ken Livingstone likes chutney on his ham sandwiches * Charlotte Church is going to be burnt at the stake for saying she wants a lot of children. What a bitch. No put some keywords here 00:23:53 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/339 Here is the news: * Credit crunch, credit crunch, credit crunch blah blah. * Monkey sex That's it. Wed, 18 Jun 2008 17:45:42 +0100 http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/339 Arts & Entertainment newspox http://newspox.jellycast.com/node/339 newspox crunchies! Here is the news: * Credit crunch, credit crunch, credit crunch blah blah. * Monkey sex That's it. No put some keywords here 00:31:33